Young Ones wOoT
by D.A.R.E to Feel Good
Summary: I cant think of a title. Vyvyan destroys Rick's bedroom and now, is forced to find a job. The only job available maybe one that could lead him to hell itself! Sound Good? You bet your sweet booty it is! R&R!
1. Normal Beginnings

**Normal Beginnings**

"Vyvyan! You incompetent bastard!" Rick screeched stumbling down the stairs, arms waving around frantically.

"Hey, hey, Rick?" Neil said turning around to face him but only to be met with a flailing fist. He fell to the floor, unconscious.

Rick glared down at him "Oh, that's right Neil, lie there like the fascist you are while I am in dire need of-"

"That was heavy, man!" bellowed Neil, holding his pounding head "Why'd you come and hit me across my head like that, that weren't cool…"

"Shut up! Shut up!" Rick shouted "Shut up!"

"Right, what's all this yelling about?" Mike asked sitting on the sofa not looking up from his newspaper. Rick didn't reply. He just shifted his glare from Neil to Mike and back again.

The sound of the back door closing… Slamming shut echoed around the tiny house from behind Rick.

"I heard yellin'. What's it about?" Vyvyan's voice grated through Rick's mind. There was a pause "Did somebody die?" he grinned with added enthusiasm.

Slowly, Rick turned around, blank, wide-eyed expression not changing. Vyvyan's grin faded "Oi, what's wrong with poofter?"

Rick cleared his throat and kept a casual tone "Vyvyan?"

"………Yeah?"

"Have you… I don't know, um… Been snooping around upstairs or something?"

"Yeah, so?"

Rick did his cringey laugh with the added snort "Well, I was just wandering why my bedroom wall is missing."

"Uh oh, I'm staying outta this one." Neil shuffled upstairs.

Mike stood and took off his glasses "Yeah, Vyv, why is there a missing wall?"

Vyvyan scratched his head "You all know I'm into mindless, completely senseless violence, right?"

They both nodded.

"And y'know I loathe Rick's entrails to the very tips of Satan's burning hell itself, yeah?"

Mike nodded again but Rick narrowed his eyes hatefully.

"Well, I was in the basement this mornin' and I was hittin' my head against the wall. And then, outta the blue, this little flying fish appears outta no where!"

"Carry on." Mike insisted, unsure where this was going.

Vyvyan then quoted the fish and spoke slowly, recalling every word "It said 'Stop, that, banging, you, stupid, boy, or, I, will, beat, your, face, in, with, a, stick." He smiled approvingly at his memory "So then, I grabbed the fish's head," he mimed grabbing a fish in the air "And twisted it."

"Oh, what did it say then?" Rick mocked, rolling his eyes.

"Uh… Nufink, Rick, I killed it." Vyvyan shook his head and continued "So when I broke its face, a huge but light sledgehammer appeared in my hand where the fish was. So, since I utterly despise Rick, I wanted to see what it could do."

"Uh… Guys?" Neil's voice drifted from upstairs "Can I come down now?"

Mike walked over to the kitchen table and sat with his feet up "You know you'll have to pay for this, Vyv?" he said, ignoring Neil.

"I WHAT?"

"Haha, that's right! You have to pay for the wall so I can get a little privacy and people won't stare at my bottom when I get into bed because you… You covered my ONLY pair of pajama bottoms with some stupid experiment you did with chemicals!" Rick's voice cracked and he grabbed a tissue. Vyvyan smirked, recalling the memory.

"Like I said, you will have to be paying for it!" Mike repeated "We don't exactly have a whole load of money."

"But…" Vyvyan stuttered.

"In your face, redhead!" Rick laughed, stepping up on a chair in front of Vyvyan with the "V" sign made with his fingers dancing around in Vyvyan's face "You have to get a job! Every action has a reaction!"

With an aggravated sigh, Vyvyan pushed Rick off the chair. He went over and grabbed the paper from the sofa "Ha!" he sneered "There ain't no job openings!" he went over to Mike to show the evidence. As Mike studied the empty pages, Vyvyan sat on Rick who was still on the floor.

"Vyv, this was last year's paper." Mike said throwing it in his face and magically presenting a new one out of thin air.

"Then how come you were readin' it?" Vyvyan protested.

"What can I say, Vyv? Mike TheCoolPerson, is a strange, but loveable, guy."

As he browsed through the paper, Neil came down "Alright, listen everybody, even though I know you are all going to ignore me since you guys hate me and all, but I have something to say."

"Here's one… The only job anyway. You'll have to take it." Mike pointed at the paper.

"Um… Hello? Guys?" Neil moaned trying futilely to gain attention.

Vyvyan stared at the paper wide-eyed "NO! THERE IS NO WAY IM DOING THAT! NO, NO, BLOODY NO!"

Rick pulled from under Vyvyan (who fell on his backside as a consequence) and looked at what job Vyv would have to do "Perfect revenge! Ready by six o' clock Vyvyan!" he laughed like a little bastard as Vyvyan would say.

Vyv groaned, not wanting to move from where he lay on the floor. He received a girlish kick from Rick but tripped him over by punching his shin.

"Um, again, guys?" Neil moaned once more.

Mike, Rick and Vyvyan sighed simultaneously "What Neil?"

"I thought you'd like to know that Vyvyan's bed has come alive!"

"You see," Neil began explaining as they sneaked up the stairs, armed with pots and pans "There is like this lump squabbling about in the mattress, right, and I just thought it was a little outta the ordinary, because bed's don't usually have little moving lumps in 'em-"

"Shut up!" Rick whispered loudly and then calmed down "It's no surprise what things move about in Vyvyan's room, especially what lurks in his bed!"

Vyvyan slapped Rick across the head "Shut it, poof." He spat.

"Right, guys, no more playing games. We… 'We' meaning Rick, will go into Vyv's bedroom and look at what's under the mattress." Everyone nodded including Rick who suddenly realized too late what the decision was.

"Guys! Wait!" The other three shoved Rick into the room. He got up, coughing out all the dust and Cliff-knows-what. As he stood he started to choke on the smell inside "Cor, Vyvyan! What IS that stench?"

Vyvyan popped his head around the door frame "Oh, that would be Special Patrol Group."

"Why don't you ever wash that Cliff-forsaken hamster?"

"Och, that ain't funny, wee laddie. 'tis a natural animal stink, ye wee spot-faced toad!" S.P.G murmured, sounding slightly hurt, but his strong Glasweiden accent covered that up. He sat in what remained of his cage on top of a very old unusable fridge that Vyvyan used as a bedside table. Somehow, the door is sealed closed by some thick crust that formed around the edges. No one knew what was inside. But who would want to know?

"Shut up, fascist." Rick muttered. He soon let out a high-pitched yelp as something moved under the mattress "There it is! There it is!" he squealed and pinted to the moving mass "Attack!"

Mike and Neil didn't move "I'm not into violence…" protested Neil "Uh… Neither am I." Mike agreed.

"Vyvyan! KILL IT!" Rick pleaded.

"Stop your hissy-fit, girlie!" Vyvyan snapped and pushed Rick outta the way. He bent down and plunged his hand deep into the gooey mass under his mattress. He shuffled about, his face twisting into familiarity and surprise at the different things he felt in his bed "Right," he said, eventually "I got it. And I know what it is."

Rick crawled back out into the corridor.

Vyv pulled it out… It was… A fish! He looked at it, confused "This is the exact same fish I saw in the basement!"

The other three in the corridor stared in disbelief.

"Yes, I am that very fish you little retard!" The fish said in a posh accent. Its lips didn't move "Now where is that fiver you owe me?"

"I don't owe you nufink you piece of crap!" Vyvyan yelled while syllable bashing the fish against the floor. Everyone knew Vyvyan didn't like fish yelling at him to cough up a fiver when he doesn't owe it anything "Here, Special Patrol Group, I gotta snack for you." He placed the fish into S.P.G's cage.

"Aye, thanks ye thick-headed, mindless sack o' haggis!" He replied, greedily wolfing down the fish.

Vyvyan grinned stupidly and nodded his head "Your welcome." He walked out into the corridor "That's how he says thank you."

"So, Vyv, why do you have a strange ghostly like apparition asking you for money?" Neil asked.

Vyvyan looked blank "Eh?"

Rick sighed in frustration "The fish you prat! Why was it asking for a fiver?"

"Oh… I dunno."

"Okay, on more important matters," Mike interrupted "You, Vyv, are getting that job!"

"But why that one?"

"Because that's the only one available, stupid!" Rick sneered, quickly regretting his remark as Vyvyan left him with a black eye.

"Well, guys," Neil proclaimed "I'm going to start painting my artistic zodiac chart. See you in the morning…" he shut his door behind him.

"Night, Neil."

"Night, Neil."

"Night, Neil."

"You best be getting some sleep, Vyv, there is no need for an interview with this job, you just need to be there at 6 o' clock, sharp. That means awake at five." Mike said, tapping his watch and disappearing into his room.

"What? You mean in the mornin'?"

"Yes, you pathetic freakshow!" Rick snorted but quickly dived into his room, dodging a broken off banister from the stairs.

Vyvyan sighed and entered his room. He didn't bother to change and lied with his feet on his pillow and his head at the end of his bed.

"G'night, Special Patrol Group." He muttered.

"Whatever, ye wee zit-faced git!" Came S.P.G.'s affectionate reply.

Vyv then turned to the wall and shouted "GOOD NIGHT!" a dog began barking outside and lights right next to Rick's window flashed on. The light flooded his room.

"Oh, great Vyvyan, you bastard!" Rick snapped his reply.

Vyvyan only smirked for a minute because, tomorrow, he would be walking into the gates of hell itself… Alternatively dubbed, B.S.L. British School of London.

My school here is B.S.M British School Muscat because im like living in Oman, y'know… But im like, British y'know, otherwise I'd be goin' to the ABA y'know and god know's what ABA stands for y'know! Okay, good night everyone!


	2. Leaving Home

**Leaving Home**

"Up and at 'em, Vyv!" Mike called as he made his way past Vyvyan's room. He stopped and waited for a reply. None came. He sighed and called for Rick who was already awake "Rick, go help Vyv wake up, will you?"

Rick did a goofy salute "Yep! Will do, Mike!" and trotted up to Vyvyan's door, which was marked with a tattered sign saying:

_Piss off, Rick, you poof…_

Frowning at the welcome note, Rick tapped gently on the door "Vyvyan? Vyvyan? It's time to get up!" The silence was like an insult "Vyvyan!" still nothing. Rick sighed angrily and pounded the door hard with his fist "VYVYAN! YOU BASTARD! GET UP!"

There was a shuffle inside but that was it.

"That's it, Vyvyan!" Rick shouted "I'm coming in!" He began throwing his body into the door in an attempt to break it down. He'd seen Vyvyan do it loads of times before. However, Vyvyan didn't fall back and start whimpering like a kicked puppy on the floor, which was exactly what Rick did after his collision with the door. He got up again and continued trying to break in.

Neil walked past "Morning, Rick."

"Shut up, hippie!"

"Oh, alright." He turned to go down the stairs but looked back at Rick "Why are you trying to break Vyvyan's door down?"

"None of our business!" Rick growled, a little out of breath, leaning into the door "Go rescue some nature or any other crap that hippies do!"

Neil looked confused and reached for the doorknob of Vyvyan's door. He turned it and it opened slightly, signaling that it was never locked in the first place.

"Oh…" Rick stuttered.

"I don't think it was locked, Rick." Neil stated the obvious and trumped downstairs.

Rick stuck his fingers up at Neil as his back was turned "Stupid hippie." He muttered as he entered Vyv's room "God, it stinks in here."

As predicted, Vyvyan was still sleeping on his bed, upside-down as usual, snoring like a maniac.

Rick bent down and screamed into his ear "WAKE UP, YOU BASTARD!"

"AAAAHHH!" Vyvyan yelled, startled by Rick's shout "You stupid git!" He grabbed Rick's head and head-butted it.

"OW!" Rick fell back, on the floor, holding his head.

Vyvyan rolled over and started to snore again.

"Oh no, you don't you metal-headed fascist!" Rick growled, ripping the covers off Vyvyan and beginning to kick him in his back "Get, up, you, bastard!" he said with every kick.

"Alright! Alright, alright! I'm up!" Vyvyan surrendered pushing Rick out of the way and violently made his way downstairs, breaking part of his door as he punched it, and kicking at the banisters of the stairs.

He jumped the last five steps causing him to land on all fours and rolling into the wall opposite the steps. He banged into it hard.

"Hey, Neil? What's fer breakfast?" he asked casually even though he was upside-down, against the wall with his legs dangling in front of him.

"Lentils, Vyv." Neil said plainly, as he slaved away at the stove.

"Not again!" Vyvyan snarled standing up and cracking his back. He looked around "Where's Mike?"

"Oh, uh…" Neil looked up "I think he must've gone out to get the paper."

Vyvyan sat at the kitchen table scratching his head "But we always make you do it."

"Yeah, yeah, I know, but he was in a real rush. He didn't even want any lentils."

"Who would want lentils, Neil?" Rick came down.

"Well, you and Vyv always eat them anyway." Neil tried protecting his lentils since that was all he ate and he respected them.

"Only 'cuz there ain't nufink else to eat!" Vyvyan shouted.

"There's cereal." Rick suggested, taking a seat at the far end of the tiny table.

"Nah, S.P.G ate it all."

Neil handed out bowls of lentils and took his with him on the floor where he always sat.

"You should feed him more often then!" Rick sneered, eyeing the lentils hungrily even though he didn't like them.

"I don't wanna spoil him! And when has it been your business anyway?" Vyvyan snapped, spitting saliva that landed in Rick's bowl of lentils. He grabbed a knife and started stabbing at his own bowl of lentils absent-mindedly.

"Ugh." Rick murmured, pushing the bowl away from him.

A few minutes past as the three college misfits ate their breakfast in silence.

"Well, Vyv, you'd best be leaving for you're new job now." Neil mubled, mouthful of lentils.

Vyvyan let out a long, agonizingly annoying groan of frustration, mainly to annoy Rick but also because he hated all this job nonsense "I can't be bothered!" He slammed his bowl on the table.

"Now, now, Vyvyan. No need to have a paddy now, is there?" Rick smirked.

"Shut it, poof!" Vyvyan shot back. He disappeared in the corridor and reappeared holding a suitcase.

"What's that for?" Rick asked, getting up from his chair to have a closer look at the case. Neil went over too, washing a bowl with a soggy teacloth.

"It's all the stuff I'll need fer my job." Vyvyan answered miserably.

"I didn't know you could pack!" Rick replied, shocked.

"Nah, I didn't do it, Mike did."

"Yeah, Mike then handed it to me for me to pack…" Neil grumbled walking away.

"Where is Mike, anyway?" Rick asked, previously oblivious to the absence of his comrade.

"Dunno." Neil replied "He might've gone out to get the paper."

"But we always make you do it." Rick said confused.

"I know!"

"No need to get grumpy, Neil!" Rick mocked. He then turned to Vyvyan "Well, I'll be seeing you this afternoon then."

"Yeah, whatever." Vyvyan picked the case up "G'bye Neil!" He waved "See ya, ploppy pants!" he said to Rick.

"Haha, very funny Vyvyan!" Rick folded his arms.

Vyvyan left the house and closed the door loudly, more like a slam. Rick sighed angrily and sat beside Neil on the sofa in front of the T.V.

"He's a right old bastard. Isn't he?" He said, crossing his legs.

"Yeah, yeah." Neil mumbled too busy watching a hippie flick on the television.

And so, Vyvyan leaves the house, all means of safety and security…

/\ /\

.. Grr

W


	3. First Day At Work

**First Day at Work**

The year 8 class, 8ME, was in their classroom creating the usual havoc they always did. Ben Thomas was being chased by Ben Turner while Bertie and Omar played a game of volleyball with a small piece of balled paper. Scott Reid and Scott Bamford threw bits of rubber at each other and ran from Osman who wielded a dangerously stretchy elastic band, which was always considered a lethal weapon. The shouts, laughter and screaming rang out cheerfully and seeped through the classroom door. Fortunately, other teachers couldn't hear and thought there was someone supervising the class. Sarah, Kirstie and Samantha were engaged in deep conversation about Daniel Radcliff and how ugly he was, much to Sarah and Manaal's dismay.

"I'm telling," Kirstie repeated "He is ugly."

"No he is not!" Sarah protested.

"AND you like Orlando Bloom!" Samantha sneered.

"Yeah, I can't believe you made that picture of him…" Sarah sulked.

"Oh, you mean the one with 'poof' and 'stupid' doodled all over?"

"Yes."

"Well I don't like Orlando Bloom, but Daniel is like so cute." Manaal entered the conversation.

Samantha and Kirstie were best friends, even though they punched, slapped and hurt each other all the time. The two ignored Sarah arguing with Manaal about Orlando Bloom.

Kirstie ducked as a paper plane zoomed over her "I wonder who our new form teacher is going to be."

"Yeah. Probably an old wrinkly, bald guy." Sam replied, bored stupid.

"At least we're missing Geography, the registration bell has already gone."

Sam sighed "I do hope Mr. Evans gets better in hospital quickly so he can come back and save us from the new guy."

"Who said it was a guy?"

Sam didn't reply. A water bottle rolled near her. She looked at it and smiled evilly. She grabbed it, untwisted the cap, and rolled back down the row of desks. Water spewed everywhere until it hit Stuart and soaked him. She laughed along with Kirstie.

"You really hate him, don't you?"

Sam nodded "Yeah, after what the asshole says to me, he still deserves far worse." She paused "I got an idea."

"Uh-oh, what is it now? I don't really think I wanna know." Kirstie said.

"Why don't we use a substitute teacher to our advantage?"

Kirstie laughed "That sounds dodgy!"

Sam slapped her "No, you sick minded person! Like, what I mean is, scare the crap outta them so we won't be forced to do work. We can work on it all the time, since this new teacher is going to have to take every lesson with us because all the others refuse and are afraid and want to dump the work load on the new guy, the next few weeks should be work free!"

Meanwhile, Vyvyan entered the school and sat opposite the senior school principal's desk. He twiddled with a long knife against the tip of his thumb as he waited for the principal to arrive. He heard a noise from the door and quickly hid the dagger in his large supply bag (thingy).

"Hello, Mr. Basterd." The principal (Dr. Sola) strode over and shook hands with Vyvyan, slightly grimacing at the smell, which lingered around him. He sat opposite Vyvyan "So," he began, shuffling papers "You have signed up for this job."

Vyvyan paused in order to think but finally replied with a scarily enthusiastic grin "…… Yeah."

"There is no need for an interview, so if you could please sign these forums." He replied, unsure of what horror he was bestowing upon his school. He pushed some papers across his desk towards Vyvyan and handed him a pen.

Vyvyan snatched the pen and drew a very messy and sludgy "X" on every line he was to sign "There ya go." He mumbled when he finished. He wiped the pen marks from his hand onto the paper, then handed back.

"Um… Yes. Thank you. Now if you would kindly make your way towards E14."

Vyvyan stood "What's that?"

"It's a classroom, just follow the other numbered classrooms and you will find your way."

Vyv nodded, grabbed his bag roughly, knocking over items on the desk, and carelessly walking out. However, his bag got stuck length ways in the doorframe. He tugged and tugged until it finally came loose, taking some of the door with it.

He trudged down some stairs… Many stairs. He saw the back entrance to the staff room as he past.

The school was built on a very steep hill and many stairs were built. Although, up to the music room, it was a complete hill, which was very large and kids had to struggle up it everyday. Vyvyan was relieved he was only going down.

He came to very wide, grey steps that were bigger then the polished ones by the staff room. Down another mini-flight of stairs… And… There was a series of science labs that ran around a corner, and another flight of stairs leading up and onto… Another flight of stairs.

In false hope, Vyvyan looked at the numbers on the science lab doors… Nope, only decreasing in number. He'd have to go up top. With a heavy aggravated sigh, he slowly made his way up both flights… And there it was… The door marked E14.

"So then I said… As if!" Sam went on.

"Look, Sam, shut up." Kirstie moaned.

Sam smiled "Make me." Her voice changed into an impression of Stitch's voice from Lilo and Stitch.

Kirstie let out a groan "No, not that stupid thing again."

"Okay, okay." Sam comforted her, changing her voice back "I know how much you hate it. I am just so incredibly bored that the only alternative way to keep me sane, apart from going to kick Stuart in the nuts, is to wind you up."

"There's some guy coming up the stairs." Omar announced with concern "Quick, Scott,"

Both replied "Yeah?"

"No, mini-Scott."

"Oh, yeah?"

"You keep an eye on him for us. Since, you're small you won't be seen." Omar said to Scott who nodded. Omar then turned to the rest of the class "Everyone, clean up and back in your seats!"

There was a huge scramble, students falling over each other while picking up all the rubbish and paper that was scattered on the floor. Soon, everyone sat still, either reading a book, or poking their neighbours.

Scott stood at the window, just managing to see over the top "The new teacher's a guy, has red hair…"

Kirstie laughed and turned to Sarah "Sounds like that Ronald Weasley guy you like form Harry Potter!"

"Shut up." Came her blank reply.

"That's all I can see, the rain from last night has fogged up the glass." Scott said, sliding under the tables to his seat next to Scott.

The class waited quietly, staring at the door, anxious to see there new teacher. The handle turned… The door-

"Bloody thing. Why won't this door open!" a voice could be heard outside. Sam and Kirstie turned to each other and shrugged.

Finally, though, the door swung open, banging on the wall. Vyvyan stepped in and looked around. The many faces looked back, wondering how on Earth there school brought such a blasphemy upon it. Vyvyan gulped… _Bollocks_

If summink is in italics it's a thought, okay? Just incase u thought the class was saying bollocks or Vyvyan was saying it out loud… okay! R&R!


	4. Geography

**Teaching**

The silence was unnerving and Vyvyan felt beads of sweat form on his forehead. All the kids stared at him… Waiting for him to do something, as if studying his actions.

He bravely cleared his throat "Well, uh… Good morning." He stepped over to the front of the class where the teacher's desk was beside the whiteboard, which was next to a blackboard with various other paper panels along the walls for displaying student work. At the moment, they were empty with only revision posters and diagrams taken from books dotted the occasional space.

Vyvyan dumped his bag full of… "Teaching equipment" onto the floor, which sent out a small vibration along the floor, and picked up a whiteboard marker. Glancing back at the class then back to the board, he wrote out in big, scraggly letters and underlining it clumsily…

"VYvYan"

Some of the children sniggered while others whispered to each other in concern. Vyvyan turned around after underlining his name so hard that it flatten the marker top. He looked at it, shook it, and then threw it behind him. It hit the wall and fell into the bin.

He took a deep breath and rested his hands on his belt. This kids shouldn't be too bad "My name is Vyvyan." He paused but then, wisely added "Any of you little snobs make fun o' it," he shook a finger warningly at the class "I'll give ya a nipple cripple." The boys cringed and crossed their arms over their chests while the girls sighed, bored. Vyvyan turned to them "That goes for you ladies too." The girls gasp and shrunk in their seats, apart from Sam who just smirked. Vyvyan ignored this and slumped into the comfy teacher's chair behind the desk.

He twiddled his thumbs before finally asking "So… What do ya do now?" He leant on the desk while his hand fiddled with his right ear. No one answered. He mumbled then pointed to Osman "You, boy, what lesson do ya have now?"

Osman hesitated "Well, we usually have geography now, but it's already half-way over."

"Oh…" Vyvyan sniffed "Don't matter. You guys gimme a sec to check the guideline that bald prat gave me…"

Manaal sniggered "You mean Dr. Sola?"

"Yeah." He replied, not looking up from his search inside the desk drawers. Eventually, he found it "Aha! Got it!" he flicked it open and found the Geography section "'ere we are! I'm meant to be teaching you about… En… Enveeronmints and ech-echosey… echoseysteems." He frowned "What the hell is that?"

"You mean Environments and Ecosystems?" Ben Turner asked, quietly holding back laughter.

"Yeah! Precisely… What's that?" he scratched his head then pointed to Kirtsie "Oi! You, girl, what's what that kid just said?"

Kirstie hesitated "Um…" Sam whispered to her. Kirstie nodded "The definition of an Environment is basically described as your surroundings, for example, the desert is a camel's Environment."

Vyvyan nodded "Okay, that sorts enveeron-mints out, what about echoseysteems?" he leaned back and pointed to Stuart.

"An ecosystem is known as the relationships between flora and fauna in their natural habitat. For example, food chains." Stuart replied without having to think. Sam glared at him.

"Alrighty then. That's that!" Vyvyan smiled.

The kids looked to one another. Ben Thomas put his hand up to speak. Vyvyan nodded the "okay". "We have to do more than just knowing the definitions of environments and ecosystems…"

Vyvyan frowned "Like what?"

Ben sighed "Like studying what inhabits environments and the food chains in ecosystems would be a start."

"Okay." Vyvyan got up and strode over to the blackboard. He wrote the word "Ring-tailed Lemur" he then smirked at the class "What adaptations does this animal have?"

Various hands went up. Vyvyan pointed to Scott B. "It's tail is strong and flexible so it can act like a third limb."

"Yeah." Vyvyan wrote out the explanation in rather… Spaced out and mixed capital writing and drew a line form it to the word. He then pointed to Bertie.

"It's legs are well-built, allowing it to jump far and take long strides."

Vyvyan nodded and scribbled it out on the board. "Next?" he pointed to Sarah.

"They have tough padding on their paws to protect from thorny branches."

"Yep." He scrawled that down "Alright, hands down. Another question…" he walked over to the whiteboard "Why the hell am I ding this?" he muttered inaudibly under his breath. He raised his voice slightly "So, someone gimme a food chain." He nodded towards Scott R. "Come out 'ere and draw for us, on the board, a food chain then label it." He handed Scott the marker and sat back in his chair. He yawned and slumped his head on the table while Scott struggled to write on the board due to his height.

Vyvyan had forgot how tired he was. He hated having to work at all in the mornings. He began to drool onto the table, drifting off to sleep after only a minute. Scott nudged him "Sir? I've done the food chain." Vyvyan looked at Scott groggily.

"Are you the tooth fairy?" Vyvyan asked, dazed and still asleep, confusing Scott's size with a fairy.

"No." Scott returned to his seat quickly, fazed from the strange teacher.

Vyvyan shook himself back into reality and studied the picture drawn on the board. It had the labels in the correct place "Producer, Consumer, Secondary Consumer, Tertiary Consumer." And the arrows followed the correct direction. The animals used were "Water weed, pond skater, archer fish, crocodile" "Yeah, very good." Vyvyan said. He rubbed the boards clean and sat back down. He didn't want to do anymore teaching… Especially Geography. He sighed "Instead of continuing Geography, can we do summink else?"

"Like what?" Sam asked shrugging.

"I dunno…"

"Being called "boy" or "Girl" is very annoying, so why don't u learn our names?" Bertie suggested much to Vyvyan's dismay. It was better than anything else though.

"Alright." Vyvyan sighed "We'll start with this girl on my left." He gestured towards Manaal.

"I'm Manaal."

"I'm Sarah."

"I'm Kirstie."

Sam spoke in stitch's voice "I'm Samantha but call me Sam, never Sammy."

"I'm Bertie."

"I'm Stuart."

"I'm Ben."

"I'm Ben."

Vyvyan did a double-take "What's your last initials?"

They both looked at each other, laughed and replied simultaneously "Our initials are T."

Vyvyan tired to process this but put it aside "Whatever, Next."

"I'm Omar."

"I'm Osman."

"I'm Scott."

"I'm Scott."

Again Vyvyan looked shocked "I won't be able to remember. Thank God this class is a small one."

"Actually, loads of our class peeps are absent." Sarah said.

Vyvyan groaned and shook his head. The bell rang outside "What've you got now?" he asked, relieved that Geography was over.

Everyone in the class grinned. They couldn't wait to see how their new teacher could handle this one… They replied together, in unison "Drama!"

Hehe… how am I going to do this? o.O; XD


	5. Drama

**Drama**

"Yeah, just lead the way then." Vyvyan told his class. For different lessons, he and his class would have to walk all over the school much to his dismay.

"It's only up by the senior school office." Kirstie said, not looking back and continuing her conversation with Sam, which somehow resulted in them both laughing hysterically.

"You mean all the way up there?"

Osman turned around "Yep. Up all the stairs."

Vyvyan sighed. He hated regretting breaking Rik's wall down with a sledgehammer, but it was good for a laugh…

The class spoke, shouted and laughed with each other very loudly, causing concern with other teachers in their classes they passed. Vyvyan, however, couldn't be bothered to do anything about it.

Eventually, everyone made it up the infinite flights of steps and to the drama room next to the school's office.

Omar, who held the register that he had to do himself since his new teacher didn't know how, dumped it into the box with 8ME written on it, even though their old teacher was temporarily unavailable. Next to his class box was the other classes, some with their registers in them and others without.

Inside the drama studio, it had bluish carpeting and black curtains lined the wall overhang. The only performing area was within the curtains which was a 7x7 meter square. Beyond the curtains was the rest of the room going around where the chairs and table were stacked along with the school's drama folders. On one side were the stairs that led up to the balcony area along the roof of the studio. That's where all the props and clothes were kept and where light maintenance could be taken place. It was carpeted up there too.

Everyone stood in the middle of the performing area. Vyvyan cleared his throat "So, uh, what do you all supposed to do now?"

Appalled by their teacher's bad vocabulary at that present time the kids didn't say anything, unsure if their teacher was really a trained substitute teacher or some lowlife picked off the street… And their bet was on the lowlife.

"Right then…" he murmured, knowing his class thought of him as a weirdo "I'll let you do what you all think you should, awright?"

"Yeah." They all replied.

Vyvyan nodded, went behind the curtains and grabbed a chair. He sat on it at the side of the stage area. Of course, being Vyvyan, he sat on it back to front and leaned on the back of the chair "Go on then," he encouraged "Do something!"

The kids suddenly burst out in a flurry of screams, shouts and laughter and began chasing each other around the room, not what a drama teacher would've called performing at all! But for Vyv, it was good enough.

He pulled out his favourite knife (more like a dagger) and started fiddling with it. Poking the sharp tip into the chair and gauging out holes.

The girls sat in a group and talked to each other and watched the boys fling themselves around and across the room.

"So, what do you think of our new teacher?" Manaal asked us, glancing back at Vyvyan who was now standing and concentrating in twisting his dagger through the chair to make a smiley face.

"He's cool." Sam replied.

Sarah raised and eyebrow "Really? Why's that?"

"He isn't like any other teachers, y'know,"

"Yeah I figured." Kirstie interrupted sniggering.

Sam elbowed her hard and continued "And he let's us d what we want… Well, so far anyway. I don't think he can really be that bothered if we ran away from school brought back explosives and blow up the Astroturf!"

"Sam," Kirstie said "Nobody would care if you blew up the Astroturf!"

"Whatever!"

"Yeah, that was a pretty bad example." Manaal admitted "But Sam does have a point. Look at him, he's just as thick as a rock."

Everyone nodded.

"I had a pet rock once but it died 'cause I forgot to clean the poop out of it's cage…" Sam said, casually, keeping a relaxed. Blank expression.

The girls like at her and shrugged. They were used to her randomness.

After a short silence, Sarah whispered to Sam "I still have that picture if you want it."

Sam's eyes lightened up "You mean the one of…" she looked around to make sure her other mates weren't listening "Ben Turner?"

Sarah nodded "It's on y camera still, I'll send it to you on msn, okay?"

"Cool! Thanks." Sam blushed "Keep it quiet about the fact I like him, okay?"

"Oi!" Vyvyan shouted out, so loud in fact, that everyone froze and turned to him. He pointed to Stuart who was just half-way through the curtains "No going behind the curtains. Otherwise I can't keep an eye on you." _Bloody hell… I'm beginning to sound like a bloody teacher!_

Everyone continued going about their business. Little did they know, their next lesons was in the workshop doing… Design&Technology…

You know… DT, saws, hammers. MDF, wood, vacuum, soldering irons, and all the other little things in life… Vyvyan and electronic tool… heck, Vyvyan and a piece of wood don't go well together!


	6. DT

**D.T.**

The whole class and their "teacher" stood outside the D.T. doors. Vyvyan read the sign above them.

"D-desejn aid tesholigee." He was confused "What's Desejn aid tesholigee?"

"Design and Technology, duh!" Sam answered.

"Oi! No lip you little bugger!" Vyvyan snapped back.

"Look! Even Kirstie isn't that thick!"

"Yeah! Even I'm not that thick!" Kirstie repeated "Hey! Wait a minute, I'm not thick!"

"I wasn't saying you were, just a figure of speech." Sam apologized

"Okay… What's a figure of speech?"

Sam slapped her forehead, getting frustrated "Look, can we just go inside?"

Frowning about the fact he neither knew what a figure of speech was, Vyvyan agreed and the whole class went inside.

Walking past the pieces of work on display, everyone, except Vyvyan, grabbed a cotton apron.

"What are you doing?" he asked them.

"Putting on aprons?" Stuart answered.

Vyvyan paused, processing the possible need for aprons "Why?"

"Because we are always told to?" Ben Thomas said.

"Well, things are different, no need for your frilly gowns!"

Everyone cheered and threw them across the room in a messy pile. Grabbing seats around the huge D.T. tables, the class sat. Soon, some began to sweat as they saw Vyvyan looking at the hacksaws and hammers on one of the racks. He grabbed a coping saw and walked over to the table Stuart was sitting on, much to Sam's intrest, what was he going to do with that saw on Stuart's table.

"You better not be thinking what I think you're thinking." Manaal whispered to Sam, guessing about what was running through her friends mind.

"What? That the teacher might chop his-"

The fire bell suddenly went, deafening everyone around the school.

"What the bloody hell is that?" Vyvyan yelled across the noise "I can't saw through a table with all that noise!"

"It's the fire bell!" Sarah shouted.

"It isn't a real fire, just a drill." Ben Turner added.

"How'd you know?" Sarah asked.

"Johnny in year nine tells me about anything that's happening in a school day."

"So what do we do?" Vyvyan asked, sitting down.

Ben shrugged "Go down to the Astroturf for safety reasons?"

"Nah, can't be bothered, we'll just continue with this lesson." Vyvyan started sawing through the table "And disable that alarm! It's giving me a headache worse then that hangover I had last week!"

The kids looked at each other unsure of what to do, Mini-Scott climbed on Ben Thomas's shoulders and turned the alarm off. Suddenly, they all burst into a laughing and out of control hyper frenzy, waving hammers about, running around, grabbing pens to scribble over each other with, throwing paper about, exploring the vast store room, making solder balls with the soldering iron, melting things with the vacuum, playing with dangerously hot pewter… You catch my drift.

Vyvyan was focusing on destroying the table he had tried to saw through but a coping saw is not for big tables. He got a hammer and started whacking the table like a mad cow… only a mad cow with a hammer.

Kids were drilling holes through huge pieces of wood with the pillar drill and using the flathead screwdrivers to dig up the floor. Some used the scrolls saws to cut "dirt-looking" shapes out of the wood.

Soon, Vyvyan got bored with trying to mutilate the table, which he did very well with nonetheless, and went inside the storage room. The stacks of stools were to the side, he climbed on top of the wobbly stack, kids watching in their curiosity.

"Mr. Vyvyan? What are you doing?" Omar asked, obviously concerned.

"Never you mind, go away!" came his reply.

Suddenly, he hurled himself at the wall headfirst and crashed right through it. Kids screamed and dodged out of his way for safety. He landed on his stomach, leaving behind a huge gaping hole in the wall.

The class ignored their seemingly insane teacher and continued their mayhem. Taps were left on so water flooded out of the sinks with little sponges like boats floated around the ankles of the children.

As the morning wore on, the room was reduced to a flooded mess. Stools and pieces of wood and equipment like saws were floating about, knee height to everyone else. The hole was bigger as Vyvyan began throwing stools and hammers through it for no reason. One of the tables had a rip right through it from Vyvyan's persistent sawing. Melted pieces of plastic, wood, metal, pieces of clothing and other various materials bobbed up and down in the water. Smoke trickled up from the pillar drill and Scroll saws. Some of the walls were blackened and one with a kid's imprint on it as if they had been thrown and hit the wall followed by soot and paint, leaving a small template of them on the wall.

The bell for first break went. As the class departed, leaving everything as it was, they remembered that it was a double period of D.T. so the chaotic lesson would continue after break. However, something horrible dawned Vyvyan and he had to stop himself from screaming aloud… He had to go to the staff room at break!

"What's wrong, Vyvyan?" Osman asked.

"I…" he sighed "I got to go to the… Staff room." He paused "And it's MR.VYVYAN to you."

Osman rolled his eyes "Whatever, Mr. Vyvyan." He walked away and started running to catch up with his friends.

Not sure, of what to do, Vyvyan decided to spend break by himself somewhere safe. Next to the D.T. room entrance he saw a door. The sign showed "HIGH VOLTAGE" and a picture of a guy getting zapped by a electric bolt, only someone scribbled over it in permanent marker "MOST GROSS DEAF!" someone who couldn't spell well and had also drawn guts spewing from the picture. Shrugging, not really caring if he was going to die at this particular point in time, Vyvyan entered, not shocked by the fact the door was unlocked.

Surprisingly, it was a big room, plenty of space to lie down and snooze for a few hours and hideaway. A brilliant idea (for him maybe) dawned on him. Why doesn't he just hideout in that room for the rest of the day? He smiled, he wouldn't have to eat, he didn't mind, just a long snooze would suite him fine.

One thing to say… LOL! No reason, just felt like it. Okay, I know this story is going slow but I have loads of others that I am trying to do as well. I even took some down and it didn't work. Don't worry, I am not taking this one down. By the way, the reason I have been saying "I am" instead on "I'm" in this statement is because I couldn't be bothered to use the apostrophe button… and now, obviously, I can be bothered… hehe no comment…


	7. History

**History**

"Cor, he don't half stink don't 'e?"

"Yeah, I know… Stop poking him with a stick, use a metal pipe."

Vyvyan was rudely awoken from his snooze by two kids he hadn't seen before. He had only been asleep for ten minutes. They were prodding his face with a stick :What the bloody hell are you poking my face for?" he shouted out suddenly, startling the two kids.

"See! I told you to use a pipe!" One with stupid shaggy blonde hair (Matt) scolded his much taller, darker-skinned friend (Nick), who continued poking Vyvyan.

"Bugger off!" Vyvyan snapped, swatting the stick away.

Matt, being the complete gay dumbass he is, leaned closer "Did you die?"

"No." he replied rolling his eyes and standing up "Now piss off!"

"Oi, that ain't no way to talk to us." Nick said sounding hurt.

'Look, it ain't hard! You just walk out the door and never come back!" he gestured towards the door then took a deep breath to prepare to shout "NOW GO A-WAY!"

Sulking like the two pathetic idiots they are, they retreated out, shutting the door behind them.

Vyvyan smirked at his outburst. It then turned into a sob of distress as he heard the bell go "NOOO!" he shouted, having a tantrum, jumping up and down.

"Mr. Vyvyan!" A kid's voice drifted through the door "Where are you?"

"Uh…" Vyvyan stuttered thinking quickly…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… He slowly lowered himself behind a boiler and tucked his legs up to his chest so he was concealed in the room. He did not want to continue with this job. It was awful. It meant socializing which is something he didn't like doing… At all. He saw shadows go past his door, back and forth.

Then, he heard the class entering the D.T. room and begin continuing their destruction. He sighed in relief. All he had to do was sit there all day… Alone… Missing History, missing French and missing… Science! He bolted upright and ran back into the D.T. room. He wouldn't want to miss science ever… Not since he brought S.P.G for a dissection demonstration…

However, that would have to wait, he had to get on with History first…

He shoved all the class out of the D.T. room like sheep. He ordered (harshly) for one to lead them to the history room. Down two mini-flights of steps, across an under construction piece of tarmac near the Astroturf and up a ramp to the first door on the right. The other room near the top of the ramp was the Geography room for other classes but it was joined back to back of the History room.

Kids pulled out all their books and slung their bags on the rack outside. However, the girls weren't bothered and just took their bags in and dropped them on the floor, making it an obstacle course for teachers.

Vyvyan made his way to the front of the class in front of the whiteboard near the T.V. and clapped his hands together "So, what do ya do now?"

Stuart raised an eyebrow "Learn about history?"

"Aw, great!" Vyvyan smiled enthusiastically. He grabbed a wheely chair and sat on it backwards "Right, then." He lifted his leg up "You wanna know how I got a metal implant in my leg?"

The class sat in a confused, scared and disgusted silence.

Disappointed, he lowered his leg "Okay… What about how I got the most awful hangover?"

Still silence.

"You boring bastards…" he muttered. His eyes lit up "Then how about the time I got S.P.G?"

"What's S.P.G?" Scott asked.

"My hamster."

Sam squealed "A hamster! I love animals!"

"Yeah, I brought him in."

"NO WAY!" he screeched.

Clutching his now throbbing ears, Vyvyan nodded.

Whispering broke out between the kids as Vyvyan rummaged around in his jacket pockets. He opened one and a moth flew out… Some could hear it praising the lord saying "I'm free! Free!" until Vyvyan grabbed it and stuffed it back in his pocket. He looked in the other and was greeted by the Glaswegian insults of his hamster.

"Och, what te ruddy hell did ye put me in dere for, pally? Oi deserve much betta treatment den bein' stuffed in a spotty git's pocket!"

"Nice to see you too, S.P.G" Vyvyan replied with a smile. He put him on a table and all the class gathered around. Sam started poking the hamster repeatedly, which Vyvyan didn't seem to mind.

"Why is he called S.P.G?" Ben Turner asked.

"It means Special Patrol Group."

Manaal frowned "Strange name for a hamster."

"Not really. Ya see, I used to send him on commando missions when he could move his fat-"

"Is dat right, pally? Look who's callin' te kettle black!" S.P.G snapped, offended.

Shaking his head, Vyvyan continued "And I used to make him do Kamikaze missions like venturing into Rik's laundry bag to plant a small bomb that he'd carry on his back. Or I'd make him parachute down the stairs with a five kilogram weight. SO he's like an army hamster."

"Me dad was in te army. Stupid idiot, what were 'e thinkin'? Serve te country? Stuff te country! I dun' care if millions o' humans are slaughtered by bloody Nazis!"

"Anyway, I found him in a bin."

"Aw, poor thing!" Kirstie said

"Nah, the pet shop had thrown the little bastard out 'cuz he kept taking carrots."

"No wonder he's fat." Bertie muttered.

"No, he don't eat 'em. He stuffs them down his pants to impress the girls." Vyvyan declared.

"Oi! Dat was a secret ye uncaring prat!" The hamster cursed, throwing himself at Vyvyan and latching onto his arm.

"GAH! The bastard!" Vyvyan yelled, stumbling backwards, hitting his arm against the wall and the tables. A few of the kids grabbed the rabid hamster and tried prying it off but it was no use. Vyvyan then got a camel stick the History teacher had and used it to whack S.P.G over and over, injuring himself mostly in the process.

After a long struggle, Vyvyan ran to the window and positioned his hamster just on the other side and brought the window down. A rip and a tear accompanied by a silent gasp of pain from Vyvyan as he did so. As S.P.G fell through the air a bird swooped down and picked him up suddenly squawking in disgust at the hamster's taste and threw him into some bushes.

Vyvyan examined the teeth and claw marks on his arm "Little bastard!" he returned to his car at the front of the class who sat in silence. For no reason, Vyvyan fell forward, flat on his face, unmoving.

Looking from their teacher's limp body to each other, the class sat still. Suddenly, they erupted in a torrent of troublesome acts, jumping over Vyvyan and around the room. A typical History lesson.

I feel that this was rushed… :-\ other than that… No comment.


	8. A Break

**A Break**

Vyvyan woke up on the floor with a pounding headache. His vision was blurry and his right arm was numb… A hangover was his first guess. He then heard screeching voices in his head… Only to find out he was still at B.S.L.

Kids were still leaping around creating destruction in their wake. Vyvyan was certainly not in the mood to let loud headache-inducing children to run rampant.

"Shut up, you little bastards!" he shouted back. Everyone froze and fell silent. He took a deep breath before he continued "Look, I want you all to shut your little gobs, get back in your seats and be quiet until I say so!" He spat. At the level and fierceness of his voice the kids fumbled to their seats, tripping over each other as quietly as they could. It was dead silent afterwards.

Chuffed with his show of authority and respect he gathered in return, Vyvyan sighed happily and leaned on the table. He had an idea on how to conclude the history lesson.

"Right, then," He began "Now let's start with who was the first person to exceed the most debts recently?"

One or two hands went up. He pointed to Scott… The small one "Jimmy Toxxen."

"Yeah, what else is he famous for?"

Hands went down and no body answered.

Vyvyan smirked realizing he knew something others didn't "He was also famous for the most insurance swindles ever recorded." He paused to think "Now, what about the most thickest idiot that ever lived? Personally I think it's Rik who's a bastard I have to live with… But who's the one that is mentioned in the Daily Mirror Book Of Facts?"

No one replied.

"Don't know?" he invited an answer but was met with silence "I'm beginning to think it might be you lot, well it was Mickey Kouyn or more commonly known as 'Thickie Mickey.'" He wrote it on the board in rather downward writing "But his daughter Sue Kouyn, was the inventor of those little pieces of wood that go under doors to keep them open… She called them 'Boar Moppers' but people who didn't lack common sense called 'em 'Door Stoppers'."

It was very unlike Vyvyan to speak so rightly and civilized when usually he was a noisy git.

"Why are we being told such crap?" Kirstie asked Sam who shrugged in reply "Ask him."

"Alright, as long as you tell me where you threw my bag later." Sam sighed

"Yes, I will." Kirstie replied in a way which sounded sarcastic but meaningful at the same time.

Sam nodded, unsure of her friend's thoughts and put her hand up.

"What do you want? I'm trying to teach!" Vyvyan protested. This lifted a few sniggers, which silenced with a look from him.

"Why are we learning such meaningless history? Not that I'm the one to complain, I hate history and I would be glad to listen to pointless babble to waste all lesson, and I'm sure everyone else does too," she gestured to the whole class "Alas, my friend Kirstie would like to protest against your methods and wishes to learn proper history." She smirked at Kirstie.

Riled, Vyvyan growled "Alright then, we'll move on to reading page fifty to one hundred and two in your books." Everyone groaned and glared at Kirstie "Get to it!" he added. Everyone reluctantly but hastily opened their books.

Pleased by this, Vyvyan smiled and pulled out a chair to sit down on. However, just as he began to sit down the bell for second break sounded. Kids jumped up and flooded out of the room in a roar, engulfing him in a wave of tumbling kids.

When they had disappeared around the corner, Vyvyan stood and dusted himself off. He needed some raw tea. But the only place to find that was in the staff room. He sighed, no reason to run from the inevitable.

Miserably, he began his ascent of the many stairs into the primary section to the staff room.

On his way up he heard someone crying. In his instinct he ignored it and tried to hurry so he wouldn't be caught and have responsibility shoved in his face. He wasn't a packhorse for burdens. But, deep down he knew this was not to be.

A primary kid of about six ran to Vyvyan with a runny nose and crusty eyelids, typical state of a six year old. In a last desperate attempt to escape responsibility, Vyvyan tried playing dead. He threw himself forward on the floor with his tongue hanging out. The kid stood and watched him, still crying and not moving.

An ant crawled onto Vyvyan's tongue and decided to go into a biting frenzy. His eyes widened and he started shouting loudly and running up and down. He was cursing only it was unrecognizable due to his tongue already swelling. The child laughed as he tired and started puling at his tongue. The ant went flying and Vyvyan's tongue was red raw.

As he calmed he noticed the kid again. Having no choice he grabbed the snot covered hand and pulled the kid to the nursing office which was directly opposite the staff room.

Bubbles came from the kid's nose and he kept sneezing as he cried and wiped his saliva on his arm now and then and that caused Vyvyan to grimace.

He reached the door and knocked while wiping his hand on it in an attempt to smear the slimy goo onto the door. His tongue had gone down but was still big and throbbing. The nurse opened it and greeted the crying child but couldn't help giving Vyvyan a look.

"Come in." she said. She pointed Vyvyan to the sink and comforted the kid on a long cushiony bench. Vyvyan didn't hear the conversation but it was short as she asked him to come over and hold a thermometer in the child's mouth. Unsure which way it went in he tried his luck and shoved it in.

"The degrees should be increasing, tell me what number they are when you hear it beep." She called from a cabinet.

"Uh… Well it don't look like it's working." He shook it hard and therefore shaking the kid as well. Suddenly, the six year old turned green and as the thermometer beeped, he puked all over Vyvyan's jeans. He jumped back and began cursing wildly.

A while later, after being told off by the nurse but then getting himself cleared up. Vyvyan exited the nurse's office with a slam. At least he didn't smell of puke and his tongue wasn't so bad. He walked over to the staff room.

He gulped and muttered to himself "Ugh… Socializing…" he shivered. However, he gathered his confidence and entered.

The room was big and had comfortable blue sofas in the middle with a coffee table amongst them. An elevated extension of around about the same size as the main room, connected by two steps, spread out to the left and had chairs with fridges next to them along with vending machines and coffee makers. Paintings lined the blue walls and windows let light flood in.

Teachers talked and gossiped about their classes. They gave Vyvyan a look of disgust and shuffled away slightly as he took his seat and continued their conversations. He looked from person to person, happy that they were ignoring him. Maybe it wasn't so bad after all. He leaned forward to the coffee table and grabbed a tea bag and bit it. Finally, raw tea. This made his fellow tutors move hastily away in alarm.

He sat back and relaxed, putting his feet on the table marking it with left over puke and mud.

A woman came over holding a scroll of paper and had a visitor badge pinned on her cardigan "Hello, you must be the substitute for the class 8ME… Is that right?"

"No, no, it's 8VB." He joked.

She laughed and it wasn't even half-heartedly "Well, I have some news about the class's tutor. It appears he's not going to be able to relieve you of your teaching job for sometime."

Vyvyan's heart sank, he's barely survived today how long can he withstand the heavy burden of actually educating overly ecstatic and constantly hyper children? He felt like breaking down in tears but she continued and he brightened up.

"But this means you will be getting your salary everyday because we all feel sorry for- I mean because we all feel you deserve it with all your hard work." She nodded with a smile and left.

The bell for the next lesson sounded ten minutes later… and Vyvyan realized that the next lesson was none other than Science. He smiled evilly and ran off to find S.P.G.

I felt this was rushed………… But hey, I'm on a canal boat surrounded by Herons flying all over the place… okay… I lied about being surrounded by Herons but I have seen 8 in the last 3 days so… in ur faces! mwahahaha


	9. Science

**Science**

Vyvyan scratched his head in dismay. He couldn't find S.P.G anywhere. He knew that his little hamster had been flung out of the History room window so he couldn't of scuttled off somewhere to far away. He sighed and continued rummaging in the bushes. He then went under the room on stomach and elbows. The things he saw among the dying bushes and under the room were… Interesting…

Remains of a fish head.

Bones that were covered in ants. Hopefully not S.P.G's.

A whole stack of test papers that had been burnt and tossed out, or hidden.

A stick.

An over-used and badly made novelty condom.

Some fresh chicken wrapped in it's plastic covering, which he put in his pocket for later.

A dead rat. And, being Vyvyan, he hates things to go to waste so he kept that too.

A toothpick which involuntary worked its way into Vyvyan's leg, causing him to curse.

He heard thundering thuds form above him and realized a class was occupying the room. He had to get out from under there, and fast. As the class scraped their chairs back and all sat heavily, debris and a slab or two of concrete fell underneath the room. Vyvyan wormed his way out, dodging debris as best he could, cursing all the way. Dust flew up everywhere as he reached the other side but got stuck in the process.

"Bloody hell!" he yelled, trying to suck in his stomach and squeeze through. The history door opened and a female teacher popped her head out, along with some other curios brats-er… Kids. Vyvyan gulped "Uh…" he cleared his throat "Hello." He said casually and waved. He then held his breath and pushed hard and , finally, he came out, but not without injury from cracking his head against a slab of concrete that had been left outside during the rooms construction and never used. He stifled a swearword, stumbled clumsily… Well… Stumbled stupidly, pathetically to his feet and made a wobbly run for the science room, stupefied gazes following after him… Sod S.P.G! He had science to do!

Children sat, some had their heads on the desk, unconscious from banging them from boredom against the hard wood and metal tables. Other lie on the floor, asleep since they had fallen off the high, uncomfortable stools they had to sit on in a science lesson. In other words, everyone was dead to the world. Good news for Vyvyan because he had to quickly skedaddled up to the nurse to get his head bandaged and… He looked a right prat.

He stumbled in, a little dazed from his skull's knockabout with concrete. The bandage stretched from just under his right ear and wrapped around, over and through his Mohawk like hair, flattening it so two parts of it stuck up. It was stained a deep red just above his forehead. And this meant he probably wasn't going to function properly. Not that he usually does.

He saw his class, dozing. He made his way to the desk… Big desk, that was slightly elevated with the entire room in view and made him feel like he was in control… Though he definitely was not.

He stifled a chuckle as he took a deep breath and shouted at the top of his lungs "WAKE UP YOU BASTARDS!"

Everyone jerked awake, some yelping in surprise others barely twitching until one of their mates nudges them hard.

"Well. Finally, I lesson worth teaching!" Vyvyan said, gleefully. He ignored the snickers that rose about his stupid bandaged head and clapped his hands together "Alright, then. You," he pointed to Stuart "Smartass fat boy, what's the name of the red squishy thingy that makes blood go all around your… um…"

"Body." Scott(mini) muttered.

"Body… Yeah." He added.

Sam and Kirstie giggled at Stuart being called "Smartass fat boy" though he wasn't fat… He was just a know-it-all git.

"Your heart?" Stuart answered.

Vyvyan narrowed his eyes "Is it?" he looked to the nearest kid to him for guidance which was Manaal. She nodded slowly. Vyvyan turned back to Stuart "Yes, of course it is."

He pulled out a lighter and attempted light a Bunsen burner. He flicked it on and off but the flame didn't come "Bloody hell! What's wrong with this?"

"Uh, sir," Osman said "The gas."

"Huh?" Vyvyan said stupidly until Osman did a turning motion "Oh… Oh yeah! The gas!" he picked up the gas tube connected to the Bunsen burner "I was wondering what this was for!" he shoved it into a gas nuzzle and twisted it all the way around and repeated five times until it couldn't turn anymore. However, that didn't stop him, he pushed it and growled at it since it wouldn't budge. He raised and eyebrow and bent under the desk and found a pair of pliers. He attached them to the nozzle and twisted. There was a pop and it turned but stopped again. He threw the pliers across the room, smashing a window and put his full body weight on the nozzle. Suddenly their was a soft click and it came off! He lifted it up where the class could see it "Oh dear." Was all he muttered. He shrugged and tossed it behind him, hitting the bookcase making a pile of books on the floor. This was the point when the class slowly slid under their desks and sat together, scared to death, not taking their eyes off their insane teacher.

He flicked his lighter on again and put to the Bunsen burner top. In a woof of heat and flame, a larger pillar of yellow flame exploded in front of him. He grinned. Since it was a yellow flame so he could put his hand right through it, and he did so "You see? It's okay to play with fire!"

He left it and he started to fiddle with a science book, wanting to find a section of things which were explosive on contact with heat. He flipped to a page on animals… He wanted to save dissection for last. He lifted it up and read it up-side down, not understanding the simple year four English. He grunted "Sod this." he threw it and it hit the lit Bunsen burner. It toppled and fell; kids shrieked and huddled even closer together under their desks.

A quiet crackle of red flame erupted and engulfed the books and sat their in its tall and fiery glory. Vyvyan turned and saw this. He smiled and turned back. The kids watched their teacher pick up another book and rip page after page out of it saying "Bollocks" each time while the mini inferno blared behind him and slowly began to engulf the bookcase.

"God, this school has no decent books about exploding metals!" he sat back on a wheely chair. He sighed and decided he was hungry. He pulled out the dead rat he had found and slammed it on the desk, flaky bits crumbling off the carcass and ants scurrying away. Stuff the chicken! He then stood and rummaged around in the front of his jeans. He got looks of disgust from everyone but a raised eyebrow of interest from Sam. Kirstie looked open-mouth at her and slapped her.

"What the Fk was that for?" Sam yelped clutching her red face.

"You _like _him?" she whispered.

"No." Sam replied bluntly.

"Oh, okay." Kirstie answered and got back into her fearful state along with everyone else.

Vyvyan pulled out a stick. The stick he also found under the History room. He rolled the dead rat onto it's back and stabbed it with the stick. He then moved it further down the stick and bit into it's back. He then stuck it in the fire for a few seconds and bit into it again.

The class watched wide-eyed. Scared out of their wits at their teacher. This was truly something immortal that had been sent to control his or her insane and erotic behavior that no other teacher could handle. It was not human! It was… The Beast! This teacher was their master… Their leader. He just points, and they go. They would worship and obey him, it was destiny! Still, it didn't mean they wouldn't be scared shitless from his tutoring.

As he was munching, Vyvyan spied a cupboard labeled "Periodic elements". He threw the rat on the floor and strode over to the cabinet. It was locked so he lifted his knee (the one with the metal implant) and crashed it into the glass, which shattered and as he reached in to see what minerals there were, pieces stuck into the other side of his without the bandage but he didn't feel it even though blood trickled down the side of his face. "Magnesium, Neon, Led, Carbon, Candy Hearts…. Potassium!" He pulled out the Candy Hearts and Potassium. They were both deadly. He threw the Candy Hearts on the floor "Heh, don't want to kill everyone!" and stuck with the Potassium.

He hopped back up to the desk and watched the fire for a while. By this time, it had taken over the door curtains, books, bookcase, the space around the whiteboard and various pieces of homework that the class had decided to kindly donate.

He unscrewed the lid and peered at the contents. He shrugged and threw the whole jar into the core of the burning fire. He waited… And waited. The class bagan to make their way to the door "Hey… Nothing is happening!"

Sparks began to leak out of the fire.

"Oh wait…" he smirked "Yeah, I think it's working now."

BOOM

Vyvyan opened his eyes and was looking at the sky. He sat up and saw his class surrounding him, all completely black, covered in soot. And so was he. He stood and wobbled. He shook his head, soot and dust flying everywhere. He gazed around, in amazement and glee at the destruction around him. The entire room was nothing but a black smudge. He looked down and saw he must have hit the wall when the explosion happened because he has left and imprint on the now flat wall that was once white but had seemed to change culture. Streaks of black stretched around in a circle where the room walls once were.

He turned to his class, some were still emerging from the debris, like zombies. He frowned and kicked the ground, soot flying up "I didn't use enough Potassium!"

LOL! He blew up the science department! No more to be said XD


	10. At the End of the Day

**At the End of the Day**

French was cancelled and school ended early due to the science block being blown up. Vyvyan was devastated about not being able to show off his dissection skills with a scalpel. He was sacked. His class shouted and roared at the principal who had to climb onto his desk, as he didn't want to touch the floor and get ripped to pieces. They wanted their "Uber-Kickass" teacher to stay, as they quoted. Vyvyan laughed and gave a affectionate reply "See ya you snot-nosed brats!" he waved and smirked. They waved back and all took a deep breath "Goodbye you bastard!" he turned and laughed. Ben and Ben and Scott and Scott ran up to him and gave him back S.P.G who was very reluctant to go back into Vyvyan's pocket.

He had gotten used to the million upon millions of step and lugged his bag up them all in under half-an-hour. His class watched from their classroom balcony and waved every time Vyvyan turned around, and he waved too.

He walked out of the school gates and looked up at the B.S.L flag waving mightily in the wind. He held up his hand and instead of saluting, he gave the "V" gesture and snickered as he trumped over the hill and back to his house.

"So… Vyvyan." Rik said, barely stifling his humorous snorts "You enjoyed your day at work?" He was obviously in hysterics about Vyvyan's condition. His, bloody bandaged head, the pieces of black in his skull, the blood all over the side of his face, his bloody knee and his jacket and jeans being covered in soot. He had rubbed his face on an old pedestrian on his way back form the school.

Vyvyan turned to him "Shut up, you girl." And threw his stuff under the stairs.

"Uh… You can't sit down like that you know. You have enough to pay for!" Rik protested as Vyvyan began to sat on the sofa. He stopped and stomped off out the back door. Rik shuffled up to the window to see where he was going but was knocked back as Vyvyan came back through the door, a few seconds later, completely clean.

"How did you do that?" Rik asked in shock.

"I dunno. I just did." Came his reply and he proceeded to slump himself on the sofa. Neil came down from the stairs.

"Hello, Vyvyan. I didn't know you were going to be back so soon."

"Yeah… Uh… Early school day." He tried to say a smart reply.

Mike came through the back door "Back so soon, Vyv?" Mike asked, lighting a cigar and sitting down on the sofa as well.

In the background, Rik was yelling at Neil about being a boring bastard and not doing any work with cleaning or cooking, his usual rant.

Vyvyan sighed "Yes. Early school day!"

"Alright, alright, calm down."

"And… I got some news you probably ain't gonna like." Vyvyan added.

"Oh, you're not pregnant again?" Rik shouted sitting down as well, leaving the rickety chair to Neil he sat reluctantly.

"Nah, not as bad as that."

"You ate your own finger again?" Neil asked.

Everyone looked at him strangely "Neil… That never happened." Mike said.

"Well it seemed the kind of thing someone like Vyvyan would do."

"I see your point." Rik agreed.

"Shut up!" Vyvyan shouted "Look, I got fired!"

Mike stood up, startled and Neil fell backwards on his chair, mostly because Rik pulled the front of the chair up anyway.

"Why?" Mike questioned, the cigar falling out of his mouth "It wasn't easy negotiating that deal with that school, you know, Vyv! You have to pay for the demolished wall!"

"I know! I know! Keep yer knickers on!" Vyvyan hushed them all "I got my salary today anyway! It's enough to pay for asshole's wall and as a little extra for me."

Rik snorted "For you? Ha! You don't deserve nothing!"

Vyvyan frowned and grabbed the cigar from the floor and shoved it into Rik's eye. While he flailed about and ran up the stairs to the bathroom, Neil took his place on the chair "So, how'd your job go, anyway?" he asked.

"At the end of the day, Neil… It was alright." Vyvyan smiled while Rik's screams rang out behind him.

Aww! nice ending! I know I could've done better but im lazy --"


End file.
